Thank you for taking interest in Lap Dances By ARD. The very best lap dances, grinds, and dry humping in the world. Six time national winner, and three time world freelance dry humping champion, ARD, is now taking applications and making these world renown dances available to the public. The packages are as follows, and please note there is up to a three month wait period for some clients.

Which do you prefer?
Power Rangers Chaps
Assless Black Leather
Assless Power Rangers Chaps
Whiskey Breath and Overalls

Sex?
Male
Female

Male
Female

Is this for dry humping or a lap dance? Dry Hump
Lap Dance

NEW!!!! PACKAGE DEALS!


We now offer a few package deals! Get them while they're fresh, steamy, filled with cum, and writhing hott!

ZOMG SWEET BABY JESUS CUM EVERYWHERE PACKAGE! This package consists of 30 minutes of the wildest, most amazing, butt naked, cool whip covered, weed eater revvin' lap dancing this side of the planet! (+$500.00)
Sign me up for this!


LICK MY BALLS I CAME THREE TIMES PACKAGE! This package consists of 30 minutes of the most intense bukkake sessions imaginable in which ARD morphs into three mirror images and all simultaneously ruin your gorgeous hair-do with streams of confetti-like semen! (+$1200.50)
Fuck yeah motherfucker, I want that!


SHAZAAM! This package consists of everything imaginable. For 30 minutes you will be at the whims of an unrelenting and merciless assault from ARD as he Lap Dances, Grinds, Urinates, and cums all over you to the sweet sounds of Barry Manilow. (+$3500.00)
Oh God, I came!

^---Click this little bastard square to submit!